Life can be brutal. For many women, especially those who’ve experienced trauma or deep pain, the idea of choosing joy can seem impossible. You may think, “How can I feel joy when my heart still hurts?” or “How can I find happiness after everything I’ve been through?” But here’s a powerful truth: Joy is not the absence of pain. Joy is the presence of hope, even in the midst of hardship.
Let’s talk about how you can reclaim your power and choose joy, regardless of the circumstances.
- Acknowledge the Pain—But Don’t Let It Define You
The first step in choosing joy is acknowledging that your pain is real. Your trauma, your heartbreak—it all matters. But here’s the thing: your past does not have to define your future. You are not what happened to you. You are the woman who survived. You are the one who is still standing, still showing up.
Let yourself grieve. Allow yourself to feel the weight of your experience. But when you’re ready, decide that it won’t be your forever.
- Shift from Reaction to Choice
When life throws challenges your way, it’s easy to react. To feel defeated. To let the weight of the world crush your spirit. But here’s where the power of choice comes in. You can choose how you respond, even if you can’t control what happens.
One powerful mindset technique is cognitive reframing. This is where you consciously change the way you interpret your circumstances. Instead of saying, “Why is this happening to me?” try asking, “What can I learn from this?” or “How can I grow through this?” Shifting your mindset from victimhood to empowerment doesn’t erase the pain, but it opens the door to joy by reminding you that you still have control over your narrative.
- Try Something New
Breaking out of your routine can be a powerful tool in choosing joy. Trying new things—even small changes—helps rewire your brain and create new, positive experiences. This could be as simple as taking a different route home, brushing your teeth with your non-dominant hand, or cooking a new recipe. These small shifts may seem insignificant, but they challenge your brain to create new pathways, leading to a feeling of accomplishment and success.
By embracing novelty, you train your mind to be open to new possibilities and joy in unexpected places. Each time you step outside of your comfort zone, you’re proving to yourself that change is possible, and with that, joy can grow.
- Practice Gratitude as a Mindset Shift
One of the most effective ways to invite joy into your life, even when it seems impossible, is through gratitude. Now, this isn’t about pretending everything is perfect or ignoring your struggles. It’s about training your mind to notice what’s still good, what’s still working, and what still brings light into your life.
Each morning, write down three things you’re grateful for. They can be small—like a warm cup of coffee or a text from a friend—or big, like the strength you’ve found within yourself. Gratitude rewires your brain to focus on the positive, making room for joy to flow in.
- Create Space for Joy, No Matter How Small
Joy doesn’t have to be grand. It can be found in the quiet moments, in the things you might overlook when you’re wrapped up in pain. The smile of a child, a favorite song, the feeling of sunshine on your skin. Choosing joy is about making space for it, even in the smallest ways.
Carve out a little time each day for something that makes you happy. Dance to your favorite music, take a walk in nature, or connect with a friend who lifts you up. These small acts of joy are like seeds that, when planted daily, grow into a mindset that can withstand life’s storms.
- Surround Yourself with Uplifting People
You are the sum of the energy you surround yourself with. If you want to choose joy, surround yourself with people who support you, lift you, and remind you that joy is possible, no matter what. Whether it’s a friend, a mentor, or a community, lean on those who can hold space for your pain while still encouraging you to embrace the light.
Sometimes joy is found in the simplest connection, in the moments when someone reminds you that you don’t have to carry the weight of the world alone.
- Let Go of What No Longer Serves You
Choosing joy also means releasing what’s keeping you stuck in pain. Whether it’s a toxic relationship, limiting beliefs, or old wounds, it’s time to let go. This doesn’t mean forgetting what happened or pretending it didn’t affect you. It means choosing to no longer let it control you.
One technique is mindful visualization. Close your eyes and imagine the weight of your past as a heavy object. Picture yourself gently setting it down. With each breath, feel yourself getting lighter, freer. Visualizing this release can help your mind and body let go of what no longer serves you, making room for joy to grow.
- Believe That You Deserve Joy
Many women who’ve experienced trauma carry the belief that they don’t deserve joy. But you do. You deserve joy just as much as anyone else. You are not broken; you are healing. And in that healing, there is beauty, there is strength, and yes—there is joy.
Choosing joy is not about pretending everything is fine. It’s about daring to believe that happiness is still possible, even after the hardest days. It’s about giving yourself permission to feel good again, even in the smallest moments.
Final Thoughts: Your Pain Is Real, But So Is Your Power
Your trauma does not define your capacity for joy. You have the power to choose how you respond to life, to cultivate joy even in the face of difficulty. You are stronger than you know, and joy is within your reach—right now.
The next time you feel the weight of your past creeping in, remember this: You have survived 100% of your worst days. You have the power to choose joy, no matter what life throws your way. And when you choose joy, you’re not denying the pain—you’re rising above it.
So today, take that first step. Choose joy. Choose healing. Choose you.